Friday, October 29, 2010


Justin Bieber and the Internet Are RUINING DOLLS

Terrible news in the land of dolls: thanks to all the Lady Gaga videos and Miley Cyrus message boards, today's little girls are abandoning their tiny best friends at earlier and earlier ages. The doll industry's answer to this turn of events, however, is "make bigger dolls." Why? According to a Toys 'R' Us exec,

Our research showed us that girls see large-sized dolls as someone they can relate to and identify with, to go shopping with and live out adventures with.

"Someone" they can relate to! ("She just gets me, you know?" Also, additional ugh on the idea of little girls imagining going shopping — "and now I walk through the store, and now I take out my card, and now I wait for the receipt.")

So now all the dolls are giant, which, although I'll give the doll scientists the benefit of the doubt (and a job application), actually sounds not so great. And I say this as someone who was herself once fascinated by giant dolls — so much so that I asked for and received a mannequin one Christmas. She was completely white and had no face or hair, and I broke her right away, but we fixed her and I named her Suzanne. But it turned out Suzanne was actually a huge pain to "play" with, because dressing her involved shimmying everything over the pole up her butt, and she was weird-looking because I drew her face too quickly, and then her leg fell off, and then something happened with her balance and she spent her twilight years lying on the floor on her face. In the dining room because she was too frightening to sleep near. Anyway, so if any doll scientists are reading this and considering making featureless, alarmingly fragile adult-sized dolls for children, I would say go for it!

Polly Pocket remains very small.

11 Comments / Post A Comment


Your best friend wasn't named Hollywood Montrose by any chance?


I had a life-sized doll (and by life-sized, I mean she was as big as a life-sized adult dwarf) passed down by my mom or some other relative. Her name was Pamela and she had a halo of hair instead of a full head of hair (how cheap!), so once I gave her a bob, she looked goddawful. I received her fully nude so I usually just put one of my nighttime tank tops and a pair of underwear on her. Whenever we played "house," she was my brother's wife and he simulated sex with her. I used to put a blanket over her head at night so she wouldn't watch me sleep from the rocking chair.

Edith Zimmerman

OH! I should have mentioned the life-sized Barbie hair head. The special beauty-salon Barbie that was just a giant head with a lot of blonde hair that you could brush and braid and all that. And her face! I loved that giant doll. So, I guess what I'm trying to get across is that I love giant dolls and this new DOLLVELOPMENT is something that's not awful at all, despite everything I said in this post.


My brother and I had giant soft toy dogs, (probably about 5ft tall) that, Goofy style, were bipedal. We often used to sit them at the dining table and insist they had dinner with us which was very confusing for our real dog. The strangest thing about them was that they were refugees from our father’s furniture store, where they had been given to him by an upholsterer in order to promote his skill with soft materials.


I'm so scared of dolls.


Subscribe! I feel like this is going to be a really important comment thread.


I skipped a grade and was approximately a year and a half to two years younger than everyone in my class at school, so I was still playing with barbies until I was a sophomore in highschool. Of course like any self-respecting, desperately trying to fit in with my classmates girl, this is also when I started experimenting with alcohol and cigarettes. What a confusing childhood/teenage experience! Meanwhile Barbie looooooved to get drunk.


Polly Pocket was, still is, and always will be the shit.


Oh yeah! Giant Salon-Head Barbie! She was so beautiful. Like a princess! I think I stopped playing Barbies sophomore year too...My Barbie theme was always the VC Andrews Dollanganger series.


P.S. I skipped a grade too! It's like we're related or something!!

Post a Comment

You must be logged-in to post a comment.

Login To Your Account