Place the bristles of certain insects which are born from trees on the penis and massage it with oil. Done for ten nights and then repeated, this will make the penis swell. Then lie face downward on a string cot and let the penis hang down through it.
Perhaps you are like me and have failed to buy a thoughtful gift for your special someone? Well, fear not. Just whip up a batch of these awesome stenciled heart cupcakes and you’ll be golden! I swear, they’re not hard to make, and they will totally impress everyone.
He had called to say that he wanted to come over to my apartment and see me that V-Day night, and I was sure it was so he could proclaim his love and probably surprise me with a romantic gift, even though we’d spent the previous weekend in his hometown together and it was iffy at best.
When it comes to Valentine’s Day, there’s nothing more pathetic and wonderful than listening to “I Will Always Love You” on repeat, so I decided to spend my Valentine’s Day listening to some of the deeper cuts from the 483 available “I Will Always Love You” covers on YouTube.
It’s one of the first things you learn to draw, or cut out of paper, and it represents fully half of all the feelings you’ve ever had(?), but where does it come from? And why does “<3” stand for “love?”
“Okay, Edith,” he said. “Now that it looks like we’re going to be in a serious relationship, I have some requirements that I need to tell you about.”
Before the 1840s, Americans were largely free from the shackles of Valentine’s Day’s tyrannical romance.
Love coupons (also known as love discounts, love IOUs, or love gifts with purchase) are slips of paper, usually homemade, that act as gift certificates for acts that people in relationships previously gave of their own will, such as hugs, sensual massages, or emptying the goddamn dishwasher for once without complaining.
Guess where “Fifty Shades of Grey” falls?
“I threw up in a trash can outside the party space, and even more promptly noticed that everyone inside saw.”
Having a signature “look” has been integral to successful pop stardom since a platinum-bleached Madonna first showed up on MTV with piled-on rubber Maripol bracelets and lace tank tops. It’s a warp-speed version of the adage “dress like the person you want to be”—wear clothes that will garner you attention and maybe, just maybe, the pop career will follow.
I’ve been doing things to work on my mood.
Oh, Garrus: your typical lovable bad boy who wants to do good things and does that by doing bad things and does it all so well. Who is also a strangely attractive raptor-dinosaur-alien man who is good with a gun. Garrus!
Best Friends: Fill out the form below, assigning and subtracting points as directed, starting with a score of 100. Any final score below 60 results in a failing grade, and a recommended termination of the relationship.
Twenty years ago all I wanted was Natalie Portman’s Professional hair—that glossy almost-jet Louise Brooks Jr. bob that at certain angles resembled an Egyptian hair pyramid. I cut my own head of brown wavy average, sheared off some bangs, et voila! No change. It seemed impossible to look like that and, years later, I discovered it was. Natalie had hair just like mine—her Professional ‘do was a ruse, a perfectly styled lie.
You finally come to terms with the fact that you’re not a good liar. You were an okay enough liar to get off the three-week-long medical malpractice suit, but you can’t figure out a good excuse to get off a civil case involving a 12-year-old being hit by a car (he’s fine, everyone) while crossing in the middle of the street.
Do I want a sapphire? Do I want something lab-created? Where do I find it? What do I look for? The purple ones are GORGEOUS but stupid expensive. Is blue the only answer for sapphires? What are other gemstone options?